The topic of managing expectations is a special request topic... And since I can muster up an opinion on just about anything, why not this one? Here you go, Kim...
I'm not sure who's expectations (horse or human) are supposed to be my inspiration for waxing poetic... so I'll touch on both. But this particular Blog will be on managing human expectations.
I think many people could benefit from tweaking their perspective about training horses. At least I have evolved my own attitude about it over the years and I'm happier now than I've ever been with my horses and amazed at how fast they learn, how smart they are and how willing they generally are to do what I ask. Yes, I must sound a bit barn blind, but it's true.
The common goal of any interaction with our horses seems to be that we want our horse (or pony) on his best behavior. Do what we want, when we want it, how we want it. And ultimately, I want the same thing. BUT I've found that this isn't a realistic expectation most of the time, not with young horses, and not with horses that have expectations of their own that need to be managed... that's part two of this blog, so more on that later...
I have managed my own expectations of my horse by welcoming mistakes. As long as I keep that mind set, I'm happy with every interaction with my horse and never disappointed, regardless of the outcome. That said, I have not totally eradicated the demon that inspired me to be disappointed in myself, but that's another topic all together. I try my best to look forward to the issues, the flaws, the snafus, the wobbles, the balance checks, the fussy moments, and the hesitations.
You're probably thinking that it would be so much easier if the horse just did what I asked, so that I didn't have to "work" on these issues. I mean, work is WORK, right?
Yes, but an opportunity is more than "work". It's a chance to further develop my relationship with that horse. It's a chance to build his confidence in me as a fair person who will listen to his concerns and help him manage his own expectations as we work through this problem together.
That probably sounds twisted, why would I welcome things going wrong? Because they aren't really "wrong", they are an opportunity to open up a dialog with my horse about what I really want. Every less than perfect moment is a chance for my horse and I to come to a point of understanding. If the horse didn't show me the holes in his training bucket, I wouldn't have a chance to patch them. And more importantly, he's giving me a chance to take our relationship to the next level.
I'm not saying I always take the opportunity to work on a problem, sometimes, at that particular moment, it's not practical, I may be on the way to work or have a prior commitment or just don't feel like it. But if I'm on top of my game, I make a note in my head that an opportunity as presented itself and I make time later to work with that opportunity.
Assuming I'm fair and communicate what I want using positive reinforcement, good things will come out of our interaction. This is a chance to be clear about what I want and for me to ensure that the horse isn't worried about the outcome. With postive reinforcement, when we come out the other side of this challenge, our relationship will be a bit stronger, his trust in me is a bit more solid, and we're just that much better at communicating clearly with each other.
And why is that important? Because essentially, if I'm riding or driving, I'm trusting my horse to take care of me to some extent. The more he trusts me, the less chance he has of over reacting to something new, knowing I wouldn't put him in danger. The better we work together as partners, as a team, the less risk that we will part company on a ride or drive. And the more clearly we are able to communicate, the more sure I am that he'll understand, and be willing to give me what I want, the next time I ask for something.
It's a matter of building a foundation, flipping the horse's internal switch from "I'm scared" or "I'm not sure I want to... " to "Sure, lets do it!".
If I do my part right, I get what I want, AND we are better off for the experience that evolved from that little (or not so little) mistake.
There was a time in my career with horses when I would have read this and said "Fine for you to say, but this is BUNK!" I would have put it up on that shelf right next to my step Mom's lecture on how we create our own reality and to change things we don't like is simply a matter of changing our attitude. Now that I'm in my 50s, I guess it's safe to admit that she was right all along? (-;
I'm sure that sounds quite Pollyanna to some of you, and honestly, I would have thought that too, once, before I proved to myself that it's true. If our reality is one that says force and pressure is appropriate (as much force and pressure necessary until we get what we want) then that is what we will tend to get back from the horse. It's Newton's Third Law of Motion (for those who might recall your high school physics (this, by the way, is about all I DO recall from physics class!) that says:
"... in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the force on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs."
This typically holds true for horses as well, apply force and they will react in kind, responding to the degree of force they felt applied. It's important to note that I said "felt applied" because the human may not feel there was much force applied and the horse may react 10 fold... based on his assessment of the force applied, not based on the human "view" of it.
So, having tried my best to give up force and work with a more positive and communcative approach, I can say that it works. I have few disappointments in training now, because every flaw in our interaction or performance is a chance to make things better. In order for this to work, I had to come to accept and believe in the principles of positive reinforcement. Without that, then these "opportunities" are potentially points of conflict and exercises in frustration. And the more I lean toward exclusive positive reinforcement and lean away from punishment, pressure and force, the more effectively this approach proves to be.
Why? Because there is nothing in force and pressure that builds a horse's confidence in his human. Horses lean into pressure naturally, we have to teach them to move away from pressure, but even if they know to move way from the squeeze of a leg or the tap of a whip, their most base reaction is to lean INTO pressure. We can't totally eradicate that concept, they are hard wired for that, just like we are hard wired to breathe. Anyone that has spent any time with new foals will tell you that they lean. Try to push them toward the milk bar and they push back. It's natural, it's what they do. We can teach them to respond differently to specific situations, but in fact, horses are hard wired to lean into pressure and to flee when they are scared.
Apply pressure, the horse pushes back, apply enough force and the horse will flee. Neither of those scenarios are confidence builders and in many cases, they are confidence destroyers.
The other "thing" I had to give up was my own fear. Fear of looking like a fool in public, fear that the horse would not behave the way I wanted or needed him to. These fears are in fact, pretty irrational. IF the horse's training is based on clear communication and a strong partnership, why wouldn't he comply? Fear comes from insecurity and doubt in what the future will bring. That applies to both horses and humans.
Confidence comes from knowing that my horse will give the best he is capable of at that moment. If a porta potty blows over in gusty wind at a show and he bolts, so be it, he wasn't able to control his concern for that moment. But it was the best he could do and how many chances do we have to train for flying porta potties?
Confidence comes from believing in my partner and knowing he believes in me. And so what if something goes wrong? It's not the end of the world, it's just an opportunity. (-:
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